this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
