bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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