It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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