honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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