New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
