omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
