im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
