I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
