What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
