you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
