I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
