I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
