just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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