every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
