I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
