he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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