and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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