I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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