my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
