If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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