There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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