There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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