Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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