According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
