But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
