Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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