she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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