can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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