chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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