Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I currently don't understand fingers.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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