Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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