Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
