The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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