So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
