i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
