She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
