Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
