All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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