ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
