I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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