We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
