How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
