would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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