best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
