forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
