I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
