Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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