I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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