Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
babies were throwing up all over the place
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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