Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
