I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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