you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
