Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
