I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
