singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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