I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
