This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
