i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
