dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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