I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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