Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
