I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
