The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He did a backflip because drugs
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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