Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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