BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
