plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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