8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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