dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
