i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
