I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
