he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
