dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize