she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
