i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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