I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Be still, my beating vagina.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
