pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
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You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
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What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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