I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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