It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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