You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
