Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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