Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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