i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You are a genius and a whore.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize